Tuesday, January 27, 2009


I rented this movie called Jumper recently. It's about this guy who can teleport for some reason, and this other guy who wants to kill him for some reason. The teleporter, or "jumper", is played by Hayden Christensen. The guy who wants to kill him is played by Samuel L. Jackson. And the crazy next door neighbor is played by Jar Jar Binks.

This was possibly one of the dumbest movies I have ever seen. What bugged me most was that they never explained how or why this guy was able to teleport. He could just do it for some reason. They also never explained why SLJ, as I like to call him, wanted to kill the jumper. Supposedly his people have hunted jumpers for hundreds of years or something. I think he was just jealous. Also they never explained why old Sammy Jack, as I like to call him, had white hair. It looks really stupid.

Another thing that bothered me was at the first of the movie when the jumper was in High School they used a different actor to portray him, and he looked nothing like Hayden C. He's not that old. They could have just used him for the high school scenes as well. What was funny is that his friends from high school thought he had died, and when he came back years later no one was surprized to see him.

There were a lot of other dumb things in this movie that I can't remember now. Oh yeah, like the time he teleported not just himself, but a whole apartment into a body of water and then into a library.

I was just reading some of the member reviews for this movie on blockbuster online. Some people actually liked this movie. Here is a quote that I found quite hillarious...
"I found this movie to be one of the top movies that I have watched this year, full of action and very believable. I'm a huge Morgan Freeman fan and he just seems to bring you into the movie w/the part that he plays"

Sunday, November 30, 2008

In a Twilight zone

For some reason there is a weird line down the right side of this thing. How annoying. I'm pretty sure that wasn't there the last time I was here two months ago.

So I went to Virginia to spend Thanksgiving with some of my cousins. It was a good time. While I was there I was drugged, I mean dragged, to that crazy Twilight movie you've heard so much about. But I didn't do much complaining, because it only cost 5 dollars. That's right, $5.00! For a movie in a really nice theater! In New York I usually pay $12.50 for a small theater that doesn't even have stadium seating. Come on 86th Street Cinemas (if that is your real name) (and I'm pretty sure it isn't) (I think it's Loews or something) get with the program. You think just because you're in New York you can charge that much for a medium sized screen and "classic" style seating? I hate you. I'm going to Times Square next time. It costs the same, but the theaters are big and nice. Of course, they're filled with really noisy annoying people, but maybe on the way I can get accosted by someone trying to sell me tickets to a comedy show.

Anyway, I have no idea why this Twilight movie is so popular. It's not even that good. The story line is not interesting at all. In the first two thirds of the movie nothing even happens. The chick and the creepy guy fall in love. That's the only thing that happens. Then the last third gets a little interesting and entertaining.

Now I have never read the book, so I can't complain about inaccuracies and discrepancies. Also, maybe things I complain about were explained better in the book and what not, but I'm just going off the movie, so you can't complain to me for not understanding something.

I don't understand why the vampires have super powers. I've never heard that legend before. They can run really fast, see the future, read minds, have super strength, hearing and smelling, they're really good at baseball, have glowing skin, and six pack abs. It was almost like an episode of Smallville, but less interesting. And that's pretty bad.

It also bugged me how the vampire family was so accepting of the guy dating a human when they knew it would only cause problems. He's been around for hundreds of years. When will he learn? Why doesn't he just find another vampire to date? Why doesn't he just date that one vampire lady. I think her name was Victoria or something. She seems nice.

Anyway, I think I might have to agree with my 12 year old first cousin once removed when he said the scariest part of the movie was when they were kissing.

Yes, I know this is stupid.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Jerry, you've done it again.

After receiving a number of complaints due to the lack of updates on this crazy blog, I've decided to write another post. To tell you the truth, I got kind of bored with it. Well maybe not bored, because I enjoy writing these things, but it just takes a long time. Did you see that hilarious King Kong picture on the last post? That took forever to find!

Ever since I saw the old man taking a dump outside the laundry room window... hey that sounds like the beginnings of a country song! Or a blues ditty. It definitely gave me the blues. Anyway, ever since I saw that I've been thinking it would be fun to write an actual life blog, because interesting crap (pun intended) happens to me sometimes. But it probably won't happen (the blog, not the crap). I just don't like people knowing that much about me. So I'll just write movie reviews instead.

The Dark Knight:
This was a really great movie. You all probably already know that. Everybody likes this movie. It was great in so many ways, but also annoying in just a couple ways. The most annoying thing... Why in the world does a guard need to be inside the detention cell with The Joker? Why does that guard have a weapon on him? If the room is sealed and the door is locked, then The Joker should be fine in there all by himself! I wonder how surprised those idiots were when he escaped. "Wait just a gosh darn minute," they thought. "How in the world did that crazy pale face man escape? Wasn't Jerry in there with him? Jerry seems like a trustworthy guy. That's why we gave him the key, and the knife."

Also, I really don't think people are as good as the people on those boats. In real life both groups would have blown up each other. There would have been riots. I wonder why they didn't look on the lower level of the boat before they left. They could have fit a lot more people in there, and also maybe, just maybe, they would have seen the entire place filled with explosives, and they could have done something about it before they left dock. Fools.

Also I think they should have killed Joker at the end and kept Two Face alive, because if they try to make a sequel with someone else playing Joker then it will be genuinely stupid.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Ding Dong, I mean King Kong

I watched King Kong a few days ago.  Wow.  That thing was bad.  The special effects were so unrealistic.  What were they thinking?  I could totally tell they were using stop-motion animation, and it was really bad animation for that matter.  You could tell King Kong and the dinosaurs weren't actually there with the actors, but added later.  And the New York City buildings were so obviously models.  And what's the deal with the movie being entirely in black and white. Come on Peter Jackson, get with it.

Oh, wait...  nevermind.  I think I saw the wrong movie.  I saw the one made in 1933.  Well, I guess I can excuse the special effects then.  I can't excuse the bad acting though.  Holy crap. There were a couple times I thought I was watching a high school play.  They might not have had computer animation back then, but I'm pretty sure they had acting.  That was invented in the 20s.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Like the free email service

Hey there.  I had a request to review Juno next.  I saw this movie in the theater, and just watched it again on DVD.  I'm having a hard time thinking of something to write.  There wasn't really anything major in this movie that bugged me.  It bothered me that Mark left his woman to go live in a loft, but I guess it was important to the story, so it's fine. 

This is a really good movie with a lot of funny stuff.  My favorite line is when Juno's dad is talking about his wife buying a Tony Little Gazelle, and he says, "that guy just doesn't look right to me."  I don't know if that line is meant to be as funny as I think it is, and I don't think other people think it's as funny as I think it is, but I laughed about it for about five minutes in the theater, and again at home.  I had to rewind it a couple times.  It's funny because it's true.  Take a look!

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

I'm back baby... and everyone else.

I didn't realize I had not written on this thing until people started complaining to me about it.  I guess I just wasn't motivated for a while, and then I was lazy for a while, and then I forgot about it for a while.  But, now I'm back.  I wonder how long I'll last this time!  Writing a blog regularly is a difficult task, at least for me.  I just spent like 10 minutes looking up the difference between "a while" and "awhile" to make sure I had it right.  So here's the deal... both would work in my sentence, but the way I wrote it conveys the meaning I wanted for the sentence better.  You see "awhile" means "for a short time," and "a while" means "for an indefinite period of time."  Here's an example sentence:  After eating chimichangas for awhile, I had to stop and use the crapper for a while.

I took a bus ride this last weekend from New York City to Washington DC.  It was actually a pretty nice bus with plenty of legroom, no weird smells, a driver who spoke English, wifi access, and they showed a movie.  And I think that's what this blog is supposed to be about.  The movie was Sahara.  It's a pretty good movie.  I had seen it before, but this time noticed something very troubling.  Towards the beginning of the movie Dirk Pitt and his crew are on a boat searching for a lost ancient item on the bottom of the sea.  They find what they are looking for and bring it up to the surface.  It was some sort of box or sarcophagus thingy that had been under water for a really long time, and was covered in moss and barnacles and other crap. Right after they
bring it to the surface, the admiral shouts out that they need to have it ready to be presented at the museum in 5 hours.  In the next scene they are all dressed up at the museum, and this object is completely cleaned and beautiful. 
There is no way they could have done that in five hours!  First of all, they were in the middle of the ocean, and second, the thing had been underwater for hundreds of years.  It's going to take more than five hours to present the thing at a museum.

There were some other dumb things in the movie, but it was still pretty entertaining.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Strange Friction

The movie Stranger Than Fiction was okay, but not really that impressive.  I was expecting it to be better, because the idea is so clever.  It's about a guy who can hear a woman's voice narrating his life.  It turns out the woman is writing a book, and the guy is the main character of the book, but he is actually a real guy.

The thing that bugged me is that it never explained how this phenomenon was possible.  Sure it's a fictional movie, and they think they don't need to explain why, but I need to know these things.  Did the woman actually create this guy's existence, or did she just happen to come up with a character who happened to be real already?  And what made it possible for the man to hear the lady narrating?

When the guy, played by Will Ferrill, showed up to the author's office to tell her he was real, she was in shock.  This was expected, but the assistant, played by Queen Latifah, was not at all shocked.  She acted like this was a normal everyday occurrence.  Well I have just one thing to tell you lady... It's not.